Funny Quotes
Discover popular and inspiring quotes about funny. Find timeless wisdom from famous thinkers and authors.
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Funny Quotes (60)
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."
— elbert-hubbard"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
— margaret-mead"People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."
— isaac-asimov"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
— groucho-marx"One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening."
— franklin-p-jones"It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance."
— thomas-sowell"No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar."
— abraham-lincoln"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired."
— jules-renard"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
— winston-churchill"I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat."
— will-rogers"The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around."
— thomas-a-edison"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."
— george-carlin"There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory."
— josh-billings"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three."
— laurence-j-peter"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."
— w-c-fields"What's another word for Thesaurus?"
— steven-wright"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
— mitch-hedberg"Never put a sock in a toaster."
— eddie-izzard"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."
— jim-carrey"My life needs editing."
— mort-sahl"If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster."
— clint-eastwood"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
— lily-tomlin"Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts."
— e-b-white"We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know."
— w-h-auden"It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat."
— arnold-schwarzenegger"There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full."
— henry-kissinger"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
— albert-einstein"If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month."
— theodore-roosevelt"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."
— mark-twain"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul."
— george-bernard-shaw