Mitch Hedberg Quotes (5)
"I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake."
— Mitch HedbergTopic: Birthday
"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?"
— Mitch HedbergTopic: Cool
"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."
— Mitch HedbergTopic: Dating
"A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap."
— Mitch HedbergTopic: Food
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
— Mitch HedbergTopic: Funny