Eddie Izzard Quotes

"Never put a sock in a toaster."

"I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup."

"Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal."

"If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid."

"I'm a one-man idiot."

"So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!"

"I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from."

"I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive."

"I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less."

"If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan."

"If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay."

"I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but immigrants in the U.K. do the jobs the citizens won't do."

"Animals in the wild are lean, and I think we should be too."

"I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful, and they get that mixed up sometimes, or don't even notice that that's the thing."

"Comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support."

"There was no religion in my life growing up. Did God invent us or did we invent God?"

"My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal."

"I wanted to be less well-known in comedy."

"I don't believe that competitions are important."

"I felt audiences are happier to take comedy people who play darker people because there's a link between the psychosis of comedy and the psychosis of being a twisted character."

"I try to keep performing as much as possible - I just like to. I used to take huge gaps off between gigs, now I just like to do stand-up gigs as much as I can."

"MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic."

"I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever."

"They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'"

"Well, comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support."

"I'd be happy to be taken as a woman - and that's what I was initially trying to do when I started throwing on dresses and stuff. But that wasn't going to happen because everyone kept calling me sir. So I thought I'd change the method and just start wearing what I wanted to wear."

"Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others."

"In stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you're just talking about what you think about X, Y and Z. Unless you've got a twin brother who's also a stand-up."

"If you get anything creative going, then the work and play thing is the same thing, I feel."

"Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both... different. In spelling."