Groucho Marx Quotes
Born: October 2, 1890
Julius Henry Marx, known to the world as Groucho, wielded wit as a weapon against absurdity and a shield for the soul. Beneath his painted mustache and cigar smoke lay a philosopher of resilience, who understood that life’s punchlines often hold its deepest truths. His philosophy taught that humor is the ultimate act of defiance against despair, a sharpened focus on the ridiculous that clears a path through chaos. Groucho’s quotes resonate because they reframe failure as farce and adversity as a setup for a better joke. He remains a master of turning the struggle for meaning into a perfectly timed, liberating laugh.
Groucho Marx Quotes (71)
"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
— Groucho Marx"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."
— Groucho Marx"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
— Groucho Marx"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
— Groucho Marx"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
— Groucho Marx"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
— Groucho Marx"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
— Groucho Marx"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
— Groucho Marx"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
— Groucho Marx"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him."
— Groucho Marx"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
— Groucho Marx"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
— Groucho Marx"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
— Groucho Marx"I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it."
— Groucho Marx"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
— Groucho Marx"I intend to live forever, or die trying."
— Groucho Marx"Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it."
— Groucho Marx"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
— Groucho Marx"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."
— Groucho Marx"All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats."
— Groucho Marx"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."
— Groucho Marx"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
— Groucho Marx"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does."
— Groucho Marx"Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough."
— Groucho Marx"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."
— Groucho Marx"Humor is reason gone mad."
— Groucho Marx"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
— Groucho Marx"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."
— Groucho Marx"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
— Groucho Marx"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
— Groucho Marx