Comedian Quotes

"The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep."

"If nobody said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth."

"Let's find out what everyone is doing, And then stop everyone from doing it."

"People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament."

"This high official, all allow, is grossly overpaid; there wasn't any Board, and now there isn't any Trade."

"A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso."

"The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time."

"I am sure that the party system is right and necessary. There must be some scum."

"An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose."

"The Englishman never enjoys himself except for a noble purpose."

"The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep."

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."

"The past actually happened but history is only what someone wrote down."

"That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you."

"I'm not an atheist. How can you not believe in something that doesn't exist? That's way too convoluted for me."

"I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest."

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait."

"Harry S. Truman had his moods. His birthplace is the only tourist attraction in America where you don't see Japanese with cameras."

"A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer."

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."

"The past actually happened but history is only what someone wrote down."

"If anything can be art, then anyone can be an artist."

"I am obsessed with the painter Jonas Wood, but I don't think I'll ever be able to afford one of his paintings. He's an L.A.-based painter; his stuff is incredible."

"I would love to be at a place where a girl character can also be a role model for young boys."

"Why does 'writer' have no gender, but 'actor' has a gender? What is that?"

"We just sort of thought a Web series would be a cool thing to be able to send to our parents to show them that we were, in fact, actually doing comedy."

"I drew a lot. I always had sketchbooks. My parents were really great about any gift-giving holiday - birthdays, Hanukkah, Christmas - it was always art supplies for my brother and I."

"I definitely relate so much to a lot of women in comedy, but I don't love segregating the genders. I'm just as influenced by male comedians as I am female comedians."

"I feel like comedy had a boys'-club label when we were starting."

"I'm so thankful for that struggling period. That time is really great where you have no idea what's going to happen."