Ogden Nash Quotes

"To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up."

"I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all."

"The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat."

"Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker."

"Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?"

"Happiness is having a scratch for every itch."

"If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work."

"Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you."

"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of."

"I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance."

"There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all."

"Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else."

"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them."

"The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk."

"Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long."

"I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm."

"Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them."

"Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is."

"Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore."

"Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money?"

"The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late."

"The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin."

"Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive."

"Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?"

"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold."

"Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor."

"I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers."

"Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind."

"I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine."

"People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up."