Zach Galifianakis Quotes

"I have a 60-acre farm in North Carolina, and I have a tractor and a farmhouse. As soon as I groom the land, I want to put cabins around and have a place where people can write and hang out. It'll be either that or an all-black nudist colony."

"That show, 'The Amazing Race' - is that about white people?"

"My forte is awkwardness."

"Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person."

"I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can't be part of that."

"There was a long time where I was an 'artist' in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend."

"I can get away with anything. But when I try to be sincere, people just roll their eyes."

"Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious."

"I talk to younger actor types, and they bring up that word, 'brand,' and it's like, 'All right, if that's the way you want to look at yourself.' Diet Pepsi's a brand; you're a human being."

"As you get older, you see the world at a different angle, maybe more cynically, but I just bury my anger."

"My real last name is Galifianakisburg."

"My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis."

"I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling."

"I get burned out on standup. But I like acting. I do like it. But sometimes you just feel like a monkey. You just feel like a complete tool. But I like it. I do like it. Stand-up is just more free. A lot more freedom because you just do what you want to do."

"I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women."

"American society loves to prop people up and then take them down."

"Hollywood's built on insecurity. People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way."

"A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong."

"That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed to say. If we didn't do that, if we didn't push against those limits, we'd just be standing around onstage and yelling."

"When I do stand-up for a long time, I'll get burned out, then I'll get an acting gig. For me, the grass is always greener. I'd like to do a mixture of all of it. My goal is just to do small movies that I've written. That's what I'm trying to do now, just write smaller movies."

"I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night."

"My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing."

"I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese."

"I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers."

"We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the 'Girlfriend in a Coma' is, like, really funny."

"You know, sometimes if you work - if you do a lot of takes and you work long hours, for me, at least, there is a delirium that starts kicking in on the fifteenth hour, and that can help. Below the just thirteenth hour is where I have a concern, because everybody's so tired."

"I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn't seem too preachy because you're also making people laugh, so it's really kind of a good tool for messaging."

"I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing."

"As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it."

"I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do."