Earl Wilson Quotes

"Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure."

"Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense."

"A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking."

"Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break."

"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments."

"You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten."

"If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it."

"Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't."

"Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough."

"An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen."

"One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills."

"Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty."

"A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings."

"Benjamin Franklin may have discovered electricity, but it was the man who invented the meter who made the money."

"Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air."

"Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death."

"This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt."

"Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously."

"He's an honest man - you could shoot craps with him over the telephone."

"Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?"

"Today's accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents."

"Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect."

"Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done."

"Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back."

"The man who didn't want his wife to work has been succeeded by the man who asks about her chances of getting a raise."

"A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie."

"He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone."

"To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible."

"Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."

"The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election."